What would you have as your funeral song?

When people say their goodbyes to me, the last thing I’d want is to be remembered as a Westlife fan

Let’s skip the death bit and cut straight to the funeral – the fun part, for some. It seems like a peculiar indulgence to imagine one’s own final send-off, but there is something of a perverse pleasure in envisaging how the whole thing will pan out.

How many people will show up? Who will do the most wailing? Will that ex-that-got-away make an appearance, standing at the back, eyes damp, head bowed? Is the eulogy an elegant paean to what made you a wonderful person, or a scabrous act of score-settling? You can only hope the event will be packed to the rafters and have a cup-tie atmosphere, rather than a sparsely attended affair, like some listless end-of-season league game between mid-table teams.

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